Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're my little dorito
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize