OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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