There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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