Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
