my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
