Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
