The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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