ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
