Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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