I hate all girls vehemently.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this boner is exhausting
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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