You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
