i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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