You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
