I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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