so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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