I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Your dad touched me again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
