The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
