My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
