I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
