I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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