he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
