Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The uberlube is also flammable
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
