i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
