Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
