A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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