its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
