I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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