Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
