the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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