you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
