are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
