this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
