Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize