Welp...herpes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
