I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
