Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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