I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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