He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
