I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Will exercising make me less horny?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
