I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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