She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize