xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
