Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
