sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
