I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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