she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
