if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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