a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
