i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
