She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
