i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
