Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
