i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
