You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
