soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
