someone threw a dead crab at me
My cat gives me a boner
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry about my life...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
