Too much gin, very little bucket
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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