I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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