how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
