I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
