Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
