i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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