STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
