I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
