My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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