I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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